Tell Folks You Have Cancer These Three Ways

Your world is crashing around you

So now what? Your doctor gave you your cancer diagnosis today. You don't know one way to tell anyone you have cancer, much less three ways, to tell folks you have cancer.

Your mind is racing, your world is crashing around you, and yet you need to tell your loved ones this news.

What are you going to do?

Are you going to keep this diagnosis to yourself and not tell anybody?

Maybe you're scared and you hope that by not talking about it that it will just go away.

Perhaps you're worried you have too many things to do and don't have time to be bothered with cancer.

Whereas some folks want to talk about their diagnosis, it may be that you are the type who likes to keep your personal issues to yourself. Definitely, that is your privilege.

On the other hand, what if you want to tell people that you have cancer and you don't know how to go about it? Maybe you’re scared to talk about it because you just don't know what to say.

You are not alone

Each person who has ever been diagnosed with cancer has had to choose whether to tell others of their illness or not.

Through this article, I will come alongside you and offer you support as you decide how to tell folks that you have cancer since you have opted to announce your diagnosis.

Here are three ways to tell others you have cancer:

Firstly, is the direct approach to tell folks you have cancer

With those whom you are closest, you may choose to tell them directly that you have cancer.

Tell them in person

One way you can directly tell someone your diagnosis is by having a conversation with them in person. With this approach, you can give as much detail as you feel comfortable with and answer their questions.

In return, they can offer you support in the way of a hug or maybe a prayer.

Call them on the phone

If you are not near your loved ones, you may choose to call them on the phone.

However, the downside of this approach is the lack of immediate physical support. Sometimes you can't help that though.

Have a meeting

You could meet with your co-workers to let them know of your diagnosis. If you will be absent from work, you could inform them of this as well.

I announced my cancer diagnosis to my co-workers at a unit meeting.  The nurse manager finished giving the monthly updates then she went around the room asking each person if they had anything to share.

I told my coworkers that I had breast cancer, and I would be off work for a while. However, I had no idea then that I was to be out for nearly a year. (Read: The Day I Met Cancer in the Mirror).

What if using the direct approach is not possible or not your style? Then what?

Secondly, is the indirect approach to tell folks you have cancer

There are numerous ways to tell people indirectly you have cancer.

Text

You can text them with the news if you are not able to tell your loved ones in person or on the phone. Or maybe texting is just easier for you.

Prayer  list

If you have a church you attend, you could ask to be put on the prayer list.

State specifically what you are asking prayer for. Or, if you are not yet ready to share too much information, you could just say that you have a medical condition you are dealing with and would like to be supported in prayer.

Email

At work, you might email your co-workers. You can be as brief or specific as you want.

Social media

Using social media may be more your style. You could post a message on your chosen platform.

There is yet another way to tell people you have cancer; this time without even saying a word.

Thirdly, is the observed approach to tell folks you have cancer

You can tell folks of your cancer diagnosis in an observed way by wearing cancer apparel.

Baseball cap

My niece bought me a baseball cap with a pink awareness ribbon on it when I was diagnosed with breast cancer, I wore that cap for two reasons:

Firstly, my head was bald due to the effects of chemo and it became cold easily from even the slightest breeze. The cap kept my head warm. In addition, it also protected my head from getting sunburned.

Secondly, I wore the cap was to let others know why I was bald without saying a word. People are naturally curious. Seeing my bald head covered with a baseball cap with a breast cancer awareness ribbon on it let folks know what was going on without me ever saying a word.

I didn’t know that I was telling the world my story until I was at a craft store one day, and a woman came up to me.

She said, "I see you are going through treatments for breast cancer. I am a five-year survivor. I will pray for you.”

As a result of wearing the cap, my message was conveyed without me ever saying a word. I have never forgotten the kindness of that stranger.

My friend, Amanda, (Read: Who is MAB?) wore headscarves instead of a baseball cap when she was going through breast cancer treatments, Some scarves were printed with cancer awareness ribbons, and some had colorful designs

 Other cancer apparel can include t-shirts, tote bags, or even jewelry.

Ok.

You've just read three ways to tell people you have cancer:

by telling them directly,

indirectly telling them through written or social media,

and by observation of the cancer-themed articles of clothing you wear.

What do you say?

What to say to folks when you tell them you have cancer

How to tell folks you have cancer using the direct approach

In-Person

Getting started can be the hard part when speaking directly with someone. Once you get started, the conversation flows more naturally as the other person or persons start to ask questions, offer support, etcetera.

You may start a conversation something like this:

"I have some unpleasant news to share with you. I have ____________________ (type of) cancer. My doctor said I am going to:

-Need to have further testing done____________ (when and what testing)

-Start treatment _____________ (when and what kind of treatment)

-Have surgery _______________ (when and what kind of surgery)

-Do nothing (if that is your choice and your medical team agrees)

It may be difficult to begin the conversation, but once you do, others will be able to join in. This information may be a shock to your audience, so don't be surprised if you get reactions different from what you are expecting. Each person will process this information differently depending on their natural response style, and to what extent they were expecting this information in the first place.

(Read: What to Say to Someone Who Has Cancer)

Tell them that you will keep them informed of future developments as they happen and allow each person to ask/say what is on their mind.

You can adapt this same information to phone conversations and text messages as needed.

On the Phone

You can use the same script as the in-person script above.

CAUTION: It is not recommended to leave a voice message announcing you have cancer. For instance, your message could be:

“Hi __________________ (name of person you are calling).

This is __________________ (your name, although they probably already know who is calling).

Please call me back when you get this message. I have some news to share with you.”

I called my loved ones on the phone since I live out of state from them. My conversation went something like this:

“Hi, Sis. I’m afraid I have some bad news to tell you. I was diagnosed with breast cancer today. (Pause for her reaction.)

The cancer is in my right breast. The surgeon is going to insert a port put in my chest, like a big IV, then the oncologist is going to start chemotherapy right away.

After completing chemo, the plan is to for surgery, then maybe radiation.

That’s all I know for sure right now.

(Pause to answer questions).

I’ll keep you posted, probably by texting, as things develop.

I love you.”

How to tell folks you have cancer using the indirect approach

When composing an email to tell your work colleagues of your situation, for example, you may say something like this:

" I will be absent from work for ______________ (time period if known) to deal with ______________ (health issue)".

Decide if you want to state specifically what your health issue is or if you want to leave it as just "a health issue”.

"While I am out of the office:

I would appreciate your respect for my privacy

-or-

I welcome your support.

I prefer you contact me contacted via:

-Phone ____________ (phone number)

-Text______________ (phone number)

-Email_____________ (email address)"

"I will:

-Provide periodic updates

-Inform ______________ (contact person's name) of updates to share with you.

Thank you in advance for your support and prayers."

Again, you can adapt this message to your specific needs.

You may not always feel up to giving updates yourself. Consequently, you can ask a friend or family member to provide information to others on your behalf.

On the Prayer List

You can write up a brief prayer request to be added to the prayer list at your church. It doesn’t have to be a long statement, and it can include as much, or as little, detail as you want to give. Here are two examples:

1. Hi Church Family. I am requesting your support in prayer as I was diagnosed with cancer (type of cancer if you want to say). Also, please pray for my family, myself, and also the medical staff, as we face uncertain days ahead.

2. Hi Church Family. I am requesting your support in prayer for a health situation I am facing.

How to tell folks you have cancer using the observed approach

 There are many places where you can get "cancer apparel".

The cancer center I went to has a boutique where patients can go and get items free-of-charge such as wigs, headscarves, and more.

Patients donate the items back, or donate new items, for future patients to use once they finish with their treatments.

The internet has a multitude of sites selling cancer-themed apparel.

Local stores often carry cancer-related items as well, especially breast cancer items during cancer awareness month in October.

Telling folks you have cancer is one of the toughest conversations you will ever have

No matter how you announce your cancer diagnosis - directly, indirectly, or by observation- telling folks you have cancer is one of the toughest conversations you will ever have.  I was both on the receiving and giving sides of the conversation. (Read: The Day Cancer Turned Pink…Again).

As a result, I know how difficult telling folks you have cancer can be.

How to start a conversation to tell folks you have cancer

In conclusion, this article has been filled with more than just three ways to tell folks you have cancer:

Tell folks you have cancer using the Direct Approach

Tell folks you have cancer using the Indirect Approach

Tell folks you have cancer using the Observed Approach

As a result, I hope at least one of the ways you have read here has reassured you and has given you some ideas of how to start a conversation about your cancer diagnosis with your loved ones and supporters.

Above all, having support as you go through cancer is a tremendous relief no matter which way you choose to tell folks you have cancer. 

Comment below this article helped you tell folks you have cancer.

Wishing you all the best,

Kelly

Are you up to date on your cancer screenings?

 Yes, I am a nurse. No, I am not your nurse. The medical topics discussed in this, or any article on this site, are intended to be issues for you to discuss with your medical team if you feel they apply to you. None of the information you are about to read in this article is treatment advice for you from me. I do not have that authority.