Ask Folks for Help These Three Ways

 It’s so hard to ask for help. You are used to being independent and self-sufficient but now you need help. And all the while you remember.

You remember the day you told folks you have cancer. (Read: Tell Folks You Have Cancer These Three Ways)

The looks of concern on their faces and the heartfelt condolences they expressed you still recall vividly.

Also, you remember that offer repeated over and over again: “If you ever need anything, just let me know.”

Well now you do need help, but you feel awkward asking. Did they mean it when they offered their assistance or did they just say that because they didn’t know how else to handle the situation?

So now that you need help, how do you ask for it? You can ask folks for help in these three ways:

Why Do You Need Assistance?

You knew you would need help with big chores like mowing the lawn and major house cleaning when you were first diagnosed with cancer. What you didn’t know at the time was how many day-to-day tasks you would need help with.

Of course, people understand your need for assistance with large or heavy tasks, but how do you ask for help with simple chores like taking the garbage bin to the curb for trash collection day? How do you ask for help changing the sheets on your bed?

It’s not easy admitting to yourself that you need help in the first place, much less asking for help.

What has happened to cause you to need to ask for help?

First, you were diagnosed with cancer, which changed your life in so many ways, but other situations in your life may have changed too.

Maybe the person you were counting on to help you has come down with an illness of their own.

Perhaps your support person has suffered an injury and is laid up.

It may be that your need for help arises from the loss of the person in your life who used to do things for you. Did they move away, or take a new job? Do they have other responsibilities in their own life that do not leave them time to help you?

Or do you just need additional help?

Whatever the reason, you now find yourself in a place of need and don’t know how to ask for help.

Let me come alongside you and offer you three practical ways to ask for help.

Preparing to ask for help

Before you ask for help, you need to know what you need help with. Start by making a list of your needs. Do this if you are overwhelmed and don’t even know where to start. Write down, step-by-step, everything you do in a day. Next, write down any task you may need help with.

For instance:

Step 1 - you get out of bed. Tasks associated with getting out of bed include making your bed, changing the sheets, washing the sheets as well as the rest of your laundry. Write down each task of your day.

Step two - write down anything you need help with throughout your day. Be specific. Also, note if you need help with a task one time or on an ongoing basis.

Step three - write down who you have available to help you with these tasks.

Lastly - write down any task left on your list that you don’t have someone to help you with. This is the list we are going to address now.

Three ways to ask for help

First way: No need to even ask for help

Those closest to you have an uncanny ability to know just what you need without you even asking. They know you well enough to tell when you are overwhelmed, or just not up to doing everything that needs to be done. They are ready and willing to assist no matter what the need may be.

But not all of us are fortunate enough to have someone at the ready to take care of every need without even needing to ask.

What then?

Where do you turn?

Who can you ask for help and how?

Second Way: Direct Approach to asking for help

Often people genuinely do want to help, but they may not know what you need. Or they may feel like they are overstepping their bounds to offer their help unsolicited. (Read: Three Practical Ways to Sincerely Offer Your Support) They honestly meant it when they said to ask if you need anything.

So, how do you just come right out and ask for help?

To those who have already offered their assistance, you could say something like:

“I remember when you first found out about my diagnosis, you said that if I ever needed anything just ask. I appreciated your offer at the time but just didn’t know what I might need. As it is, I do need help now. Specifically, I need help with______________ .

“Can you help? And if not, do you know someone who can help me?”

By having a specific task to focus on, the person you are asking will know exactly what you need. If they can’t help, often they may know someone who can.

If you have more than one task you need help with, you might ask, “I need help with ___________. But I also need help with _______________.  Can you help me with both tasks?”

If your need is ongoing instead, ask if they can help you each time. For example,

“I need a ride to the doctor on Wednesday at 2 PM. Are you available to drive me?”

“Yes, I can drive you to the doctor.”

“Thank you, I appreciate your help. I will need to go every week for six weeks. Are you available each week, or do you know someone who can drive me after this week?”

That’s all well and good, you may be thinking. But I don’t have anyone to help me. What am I supposed to do?

Third Way: Indirect approach to ask for help

You may be able to ask for help at the cancer center where you are receiving treatments. Often, they have a social worker or a caseworker who can help patients with a variety of needs receive the resources they need.

Some insurance policies have a clause that allows you to receive some aid depending on the situation and the help you need.

Another way you can ask for help is by posting what you need on your social media platform. Of course, be careful who is answering your request for help. You don’t want to be taken advantage of or be harmed by some ill-meaning person.

Some areas have a neighborhood app that you can sign up for. Through this app, you can ask for help from nearby neighbors. It may be that one of your neighbors whom you have not even met yet has extra time on their hands and is available to help you.

Another way you may ask for help could be to post a notice in the bulletin at your church or on the bulletin board at your work stating what you are seeking help with.

Online you can look up community resources in your area to see if there is help available there. You might also check what assistance might be available in your area.

One resource to check out is Community Assistance Programs (thehelplist.com)

Now you can ask for help in these three ways.

Going through cancer is hard for you and your entire support team. Just knowing where to turn for help when you need it can relieve your anxiety.

Whether you have resources to assist you in your time of need or not, it is difficult to first admit that you need help, and second to ask for help.

In this article, you have learned three ways to ask for help whether you use the direct approach, the indirect approach, or you are fortunate to have such a strong support team that you don’t even need to ask for help.

Comment below how this article has helped you ask for help.

Wishing you all the best,

Kelly

 Are your cancer screenings up to date?

Yes, I am a nurse. No, I am not your nurse. The medical topics discussed in this, or any article on this site, are intended to be issues for you to discuss with your medical team if you feel they apply to you. None of the information you are about to read in this article is treatment advice for you from me. I do not have that authority.