An Unwanted Journey

You don’t have to have cancer to go on an unwanted cancer journey.

Though it is a different kind of journey than someone with cancer, it is a journey just the same.

I lost out on knowing her or much about her

My name is Kris, Kelly’s older sister, and I have never personally had cancer, but I started on this unwanted journey very young in life.  Before I was even four years old, I had lost my paternal grandmother to cancer, therefore, I lost out on knowing her or much about her.

I don’t know what kind of friendship we might have had

By the time I started school, there was a young man that my mother told me shared the same playpen with me when our parents would get together, that passed away from leukemia. I don’t know what kind of friendship we might have had if he had not passed at such a young age. 

 The unwanted journey continued

The next visit I can remember from that dreaded cancer was when I was a young mother. My daughter was born in March of that year and by August my father was having a colonoscopy due to colon cancer. (Read: The Day Cancer Turned Royal Blue)

I was living in Texas, and my family was still in Ohio, so I was not able to see them very often. I had to rely on my mother and I’s monthly calls to know how things were going. (This was in the days before cell phones, and I could not afford long-distance calls but about once a month).

I didn’t want anything bad to happen to him

My father and I had always had a contentious relationship, but he was still my dad, and I didn’t want anything bad to happen to him.

He did well after his surgery for about a year and a half, then the doctors found that it had come back and this time it was in his lung. He fought hard, but almost 3 years from the time he was diagnosed he lost his battle. He had told my mom that he wanted to at least make it to his birthday, and we lost him 3 days after his 63rd birthday.

My daughter and I had visited him about two months earlier, when the doctors thought, he was not going to make it much longer, and called all the family in to say their goodbyes, so we were not there when he actually passed.

We reminisced about our dad

I was not able to go to his funeral either, because the doctor thought that I was expecting another child, and with my history of miscarriage would not allow me to travel. It turned out to be just some kind of complication from a previous miscarriage. My oldest sister, who also lived in Texas, had just had back surgery and was not able to attend the funeral either, so we talked to each other on the phone from Dallas, where I was, to Houston where she was, and reminisced about our dad at the time the funeral was going on.

But the unwanted journey doesn’t stop there

A few years later, the pastor of the church that my daughter and I were going to was diagnosed with multiple myeloma cancer, which is a blood cancer. He was the first person that I can personally say I saw what going through cancer was doing to their body on a consistent basis.

We all watched him lose weight, lose his hair, and fight for every day that he was given. We all prayed for him, and even though the doctors had told him he would not live longer than 2 years from his diagnosis, the Lord gave him 9 more years. I saw him have good days and bad days and not know what the next day would bring, but he never lost his love for life or his smile.

The next stop on this unwanted journey

The next stop on this unwanted journey was to have to find out that my “mama” had been diagnosed with breast cancer. I know she battled hard against it for a long time, and I felt so bad that I could not be there with her through her treatments. All we had were those monthly phone calls, because by this time I was a struggling single parent, and still on a very tight budget.

She went through chemo, a radical mastectomy, and radiation. Those are just the ones I know about from our phone conversations. (Read: The Day Cancer Turned Pink)

 I felt horrible leaving it all to her

I felt so bad that I could not be there for her when she needed help and support the most. I tried to tell myself that Kelly, who was a nurse, was better able to take care of her anyway. I felt horrible leaving it all to her, because I was the oldest, and felt it was my responsibility to carry that load.

My sister would tell me it was okay, that she knew what I was going through as a single parent and that she did not hold any bad feelings about me not being able to be there to even give her an occasional, much-needed break. We both knew that we were where God wanted us each to be at that period of our lives. But there were still days and lonely nights where thoughts of being a terrible daughter would creep into my head and cause a long tearful, restless night of little to no sleep.

A “surprise” party

Again, just as with my father, my daughter and I visited my mom during her spring break, through the kindness of the ladies in our church that put money together to buy us airline tickets. This happened to be right between the birthdays of my daughter and me, so while we were there, my mother sent Kelly out to the store to get the fixins for a “surprise” party. We went with her to the store and pretended to be “surprised.” 

Within a month she was gone

Mom went into hospice not long after that visit, and within a month she was gone. My sister called me at work to give me the news.

My daughter could not go to the funeral because she was in a musical, and the funeral was on opening night, as well as being in the middle of getting ready for finals as it was her senior year of high school. I was grateful to my sister and my employer for helping me financially get to the funeral.

Every time you lose someone, you pray that this is the end, that no one else I know will have to go through this pain and suffering, and possibly even death.

This was a prayer that went unanswered

Unfortunately, this was a prayer that went unanswered, and the unwanted journey continued.

Before I knew it, there were four older ladies in our church that passed away within one year. Three of the four passed away from cancer.

And then I find out that my own sister had breast cancer, as our mother did. (Read: The Day I Met Cancer in the Mirror)

My daughter and I surprised her with a visit after her mastectomy surgery. We tried to do what we could to take her mind off things in the short week we were visiting. I can’t tell you how happy I was when she told me that things were looking good for her.

When will this unwanted journey ever end?

Then she told me her friend, whom we met while we were visiting had just received word that she too had breast cancer. One of the first thoughts that went through my head was “When will this unwanted journey ever end?” (Read: The Day Cancer Turned Pink…Again)

Just this past year, my husband lost five members of his family in one year. Three of those five were from cancer.

For almost ten years, I have been the secretary of the church my husband and I attend. This is the second pastor I have had that has been diagnosed with cancer. His was in his lung, and he had a lower lobe removed.

Praise the Lord, he has been doing well, with no chemo, radiation, or any treatment of any kind. He only has to have an MRI every few months. He is now ready to retire within the next few days, (as a matter of fact, on the anniversary of what would be my mother’s birthday.) 

You too are on an unwanted journey

If you have a loved one, a friend, or a co-worker or close neighbor that has cancer, and you are part of their encouragement support team, then you too are on an unwanted journey. (Read: What to Say to Someone Who Has Cancer)

Don’t give up on them. Be there for them in any way you can. Bring a meal; offer to babysit when they go for treatments or doctor appointments. Every little action that is done in love is so very much appreciated.

But just remember, they are doing the hard work of fighting this disease that seems so relentless, and some are winning, but way too many are being lost on cancer’s battlefield.

Our toughest job will come when we are called on to carry on after they are gone. 

There are still times when I think of some of these people I have known, that lost their battle and wish I could see them again or talk with them for a few minutes.

I don’t know when my unwanted journey will end

I don’t know when my unwanted journey will end, but it can’t come soon enough to suit me.

Kristina Ramirez Jordan

 Comment below about your unwanted journey.

 This has been a guest post from my sister and cancer supporter Kristina Ramirez Jordan. If you would like to read more of Kris’s writings, check out her website:  Bricks from God at: https://hardworkingmrsmom.wixsite.com/krisbricksfromgod

Wishing you all the best,

Kelly

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Yes, I am a nurse. No, I am not your nurse. The medical topics discussed in this, or any article on this site, are intended to be issues for you to discuss with your medical team if you feel they apply to you. None of the information you are about to read in this article is treatment advice for you from me. I do not have that authority.