I Don’t Have Cancer, but Cancer Still Has Me

Even though I don’t have cancer, cancer still has me.

I was successfully treated for breast cancer, but I can’t completely put cancer out of my mind. Cancer is like a brewing storm. Sometimes the rumbles of thunder are low and far away. Other times cancer flashes back into my life like a lightning bolt.

CANCER HAS ME EACH TIME I GO TO THE DOCTOR FOR A CHECKUP

I have been free of breast cancer for nearly seven years, but each time I go to the oncologist for a routine checkup I wonder if he will find cancer again.

I don’t have any symptoms that are concerning, but then again, when I felt symptoms the last time the person reading the mammogram said that I didn’t have breast cancer.

But I did.

Only it wasn’t diagnosed until the following year when the breast cancer had grown. (Read: The Day I Met Cancer in the Mirror)

CANCER HAS ME EACH TIME I FEEL SOMETHING ABNORMAL

I become concerned that I have cancer when I feel something abnormal.

At one of my oncology checkups, I told Dr. K that I had some pain near my sternum on the side where I had received radiation treatments. Just as a “precaution”, he ordered an MRI of my chest. The MRI didn’t show anything where the painful area was, but it did reveal a defect in my sternum (breastbone).

Next, my oncologist sent me for a bone biopsy. Unfortunately, when I went for the biopsy, the interventional radiologist was not able to locate the defect. Dr. K asked one of the doctors he knew to do the biopsy, so I had to make another appointment.

Dr. M was able to do the biopsy. I had to wait a week for the results. When the results came back it showed that I had an area of cartilage inside the bone which is abnormal.

Next, I had to see an oncologist who specialized in bone cancer. Thankfully, she deducted from other scans I had done in the process of determining if the breast cancer had metastasized that this defect had been there all along and was not new cancer in the bone.

CANCER HAS ME EACH TIME I HAVE A SCAN

I had so many scans when I was first diagnosed with cancer. Now each time I have any kind of scan, the cancer threat creeps back into my mind.

 Like when I had to have another MRI of my chest. It didn’t show anything to be concerned about but something on my spine showed up, so I had to have another MRI of my spine.

The defect turned out to be small hemangiomas in the bones of my spine (vertebrae). I had to see a neurosurgeon to find out if this was anything that would cause any problems and require surgery. He said that the hemangiomas (abnormal bundles of blood vessels) were small and would probably never grow to be a concern and to return if I felt any back pain. I have no back pain, thankfully.

CANCER HAS ME EACH TIME I AM TOLD OF THE SIDE EFFECTS OF TREATMENTS I TOOK

Besides getting chemotherapy for four months, I had daily radiation treatments for six weeks. One of the side effects of radiation therapy is the possibility of another cancer down the road called sarcoma which is cancer that begins in the soft tissues and bones.

Dr. T told me when she released me from her service after five years to let Dr. K know right away if I felt a lump in my chest where I had had radiation treatments done.

So far, all is well.

CANCER HAS ME EACH TIME I HEAR OF SOMEONE ELSE GETTING CANCER

It all comes rushing back. The day I was diagnosed, the emotions I felt, the scared look on my husband’s face.

I am a nurse, and my job is to call patients preparing to have surgery, give them instructions, and update their medical information on their computer charts. I am saddened when women say that they have breast cancer again after many years of being cancer-free.

My cancer journey took eight months from diagnosis to the last treatment. It was a long eight months, and it took even longer to regain full function and range of motion even after the treatments were finished.

I can’t imagine having to do that all over again. My heart truly goes out to those of you who do have to face this dreadful reality.

CANCER HAS ME EACH TIME I LOOK IN THE MIRROR

When I look into the mirror, I see the scars left behind after my double mastectomy, the scars from where the drainage tubes were inserted into my chest, and the small tattoos on my chest which were used to align the radiation beams.

CANCER HAS ME EACH TIME I LIE DOWN IN BED

Each night when I lie down in bed, I lie on my right side with my right arm extended over my head and stretch the right side of my chest. Even after nearly seven years, my chest wall tightens from the radiation scars. I must stretch every night to prevent the skin and muscles from becoming painfully tight.

CANCER HAS ME EACH TIME I USE MY HANDS

The medication I take to decrease estrogen production causes the joints in my fingers to ache. This began immediately after I started taking this medicine. My oncologist said that the large joints of the body are usually affected, not the smaller ones.

I DON’T HAVE CANCER, BUT I HAVE THE SCARS OF CANCER

I will always have the effects of cancer on my body, from the scars to aches and pains. But I refuse to allow cancer to control my life. I am greatly blessed to be cancer-free. I don’t take that privilege lightly

My mom and my best friend were not as fortunate as I was to be cured of cancer. (Read: Who is MAB?)

I count every day as a blessing from God to still be here and be able to share this blog with you. I sincerely pray that you find information and encouragement here to help you and your loved ones on your cancer journey.

Wishing you all the best,

Kelly

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Yes, I am a nurse. No, I am not your nurse. The medical topics discussed in this, or any article on this site, are intended to be issues for you to discuss with your medical team if you feel they apply to you. None of the information you are about to read in this article is treatment advice for you from me. I do not have that authority.