How to Have the Cancer Conversation

The day has finally come. Your suspicion has been confirmed. You indeed do have cancer. But what does that mean? Where do you go from here? What happens next?

This phase of your cancer journey will begin with having some incredibly challenging conversations with your care team, your family, your friends, and even yourself.

How to Have the Cancer Conversation with Your Doctor/Healthcare Team.

Discuss the type of cancer you have.

Ask your specialist what kind of cancer you have.

Cancers can be grouped according to what part of the body they affect, such as breast cancer, skin cancer, and so on. However, there are many subtypes of cancer within the main category.

For example, breast cancer can include lobular cancer, ductal cancer in situ, inflammatory breast cancer, and more.

Skin cancer can be basal cell, squamous cell, or melanoma.

Stage

Staging is a way to indicate several things about cancer. It describes the location and size of the tumor, how far it has spread, where it has spread to, and how aggressive the cancer is.

Stage 0 means that the original cancer is still where it originated. It has not spread to any other organs or tissues.

Stage 1 - the cancer is still small and hasn’t spread anywhere else in the body.

Stage 2 – the cancer is growing but still hasn’t spread from its original location.

Stage 3 – the cancer has become larger and may have begun to spread to nearby tissue or lymph nodes, sometimes called glands.

Stage 4 – in this stage, the cancer has spread, or metastasized, from its original location to at least one other organ or body part.

Treatment options

How will your cancer be treated? Is it a “simple” cancer, such as a small patch of skin cancer that can be easily removed, or is it a more involved cancer that may require chemotherapy, surgery, and/or radiation treatments?

Have your care team explain to you exactly what the treatment plan is.

How many rounds of chemo will you need?

What kind of surgery will you have?

How many radiation sessions will you have?

Alternative treatment options

In addition to treating the cancer itself, your doctor may have you see a natural health doctor, an acupuncturist, or some other kind of alternative health provider. No matter what kind of cancer treatment you undergo, it is important to remain as healthy as possible. Alternative health care may include improving your diet, avoiding certain foods or supplements, and learning to meditate to calm your mind and relax your body. The stronger you are mentally and physically, the better reserves you will have to fight cancer.

Clinical trials

Your cancer care team may suggest that you enroll in a clinical trial. There are many types of clinical trials, so talk with your specialist to see if there is one that is right for you.

After discussing your cancer diagnosis and treatment options with your specialist, you may decide to seek a second opinion. Getting a second opinion doesn’t mean that your initial provider was wrong with your diagnosis or treatment plan, it simply means that you are willing to pursue all avenues available to you for your health care.

How to Have the Cancer Conversation with a Second Opinion Healthcare Professional

Where to start?

Ask your healthcare provider who they would recommend getting a second opinion from.

Contact your insurance carrier for a list of specialists who deal with your kind of cancer.

Make an appointment.

When you decide who you would like to see for a second opinion, call their office to make an appointment. Ask the person taking your call what documents you should bring with you. Bring copies of any lab work, x-rays, CT scans, MRI reports, and any further testing you may have had such as ultrasound or biopsy report.

Take your initial specialist’s plan of care with you to compare it to the new plan of care that will be presented by this new provider. Be prepared to possibly need more testing.

When you sit down to talk with this provider, ask them:

Why is their plan better than your initial plan of care?

How soon can this new plan be implemented?

What treatments are planned?

How long will the course of treatments last?

How to Have the Cancer Conversation with Your Family and Friends.

This conversation can be tough. You want to keep your family informed, but at the same time, you don’t want to upset them.

Here are some things to consider about telling your family your news:

Who to tell?

Do you personally want to tell each family member yourself, or do you want to tell a few people and ask them to inform others? It can become quite exhausting to repeat the same information over and over again.

Should you tell children you have cancer?

There are so many variables to this question such as what ages the children are. Will they be able to understand what you are telling them? Are they emotionally prepared to receive such news? Who can they turn to for support?

What should you tell your family?

This is up to you. Do you want to give them every detail of your diagnosis and treatment plan or simply basic information? Will you give some people more information than others?

How will you keep your family updated?

Will you call them with updates, send an email, or post your progress on social media?

What should you ask of your family?

You will have many things come up during your treatment that you had not planned for from the beginning. It would be good to know who is available for things like babysitting, taking you to appointments, going to appointments with you, or staying with you after surgery. Who is available to help you with household chores, transportation, and take care of you when you need it?

Having the Cancer Conversation with your co-workers

Who will you tell?

For some people, they spend more time with and are closer to their family. Others spend more time with and are closer to their co-workers. And for some, their co-workers are their family.

How you decide to tell your co-workers about your cancer diagnosis depends on how close you are to them. If you work closely with your co-workers and they are your support system, you may want to inform them like you would your family. If you work from home, for instance, and are not close to your co-workers, you may choose not to tell them at all.

How to tell them?

Again, how you tell your co-workers of your diagnosis depends on your relationship with them. If you work in a small office or have an intimate group of co-workers, you will probably want to tell them in person. If you work in a less intimate environment, you may inform them via e-mail or through a work-supported app.

When will you tell them?

When you decide to share your story with your co-workers is quite a personal choice. You may want to give them the news as soon as you know it yourself. Or you might decide to wait to tell them until “things become noticeable” due to your treatments.

What should you tell them?

You can decide how much or how little you want to share with your co-workers. With some, you may want to share every detail, with others, you may only want to give basic information.

How will you keep them updated?

There are many ways to keep your co-workers informed of your progress. You may want to invite them to join your social media page. You could send out periodic updates via email. You may want to designate one co-worker to be your spokesperson to keep the others informed.

What should you ask from them?

Cancer treatments can be long and exhausting. You might need to ask your co-workers to donate PTO to you, or you may ask them to switch shifts or cover your shift if needed. On especially low-energy days, you may need to ask for their help completing your assignments.

Having the Cancer Conversation with Yourself

What does cancer mean to you?

The “Big C”.

You have cancer. What does having cancer mean to you? Is it a minor inconvenience to have to go to the dermatologist and have a small patch of skin cancer removed? Or is your cancer a critical condition upon which you are just embarking?

What kind of assistance do you need?

You have just been diagnosed with a serious disease. It is natural to be confused and disoriented right now. You most likely will need help as you go through treatments. Emotional support. Physical support. Possibly financial support.

Begin taking notice of areas where you will need help. Such things you may need assistance with include caring for the children while you go to doctors’ appointments and treatments. Perhaps you could use help with household chores and meal preparation if you are too tired from cancer treatments.

Who is available to help you?

Once you know what you need help with, think of who is available to help you and reach out to them. Often people genuinely want to be of assistance but at the same time, they don’t want to seem interfering.

What kind of treatment will you accept?

Chemo? Surgery? Radiation? Experimental treatments?

What kind of treatment will you not accept?

Experimental treatments? Repeated surgeries? Chemo again?

How will you know when you have had enough?

Your cancer care team will do everything they can to help you defeat cancer. But what if your cancer is not curable? How will you know when you have had enough? This is only a question you can answer.

Conclusion

Whether you are talking with your healthcare provider, your family, friends, co-workers, or even yourself, having the cancer conversation is difficult. This article has given you advice on how to start a conversation. Below are some additional articles about ways to tell someone you have cancer, how to ask for help, and how to support someone who has cancer.

Additional reading:

Tell Folks You Have Cancer These Three Ways

Ask Folks for Help These Three Ways

How to Support Someone Who Has Cancer

Wishing you all the best,

Kelly

 Are your cancer screenings up to date?

Yes, I am a nurse. No, I am not your nurse. The medical topics discussed in this, or any article on this site, are intended to be issues for you to discuss with your medical team if you feel they apply to you. None of the information you are about to read in this article is treatment advice for you from me. I do not have that authority.